SGR 031 | How to Talk About What You Need in Bed (Without Offending Your Partner)

You want it to be just like the movies… slow, sexy, passionate, romantic, attuned, in sync. But, it ends up being more like drunk bumper cars. It’s too fast, too slow. You both feel disappointed as the gap between your intimate fantasy and reality grows wider.

And then the airing of sexual grievances starts:

“You don’t touch me right.”
“You don’t kiss me right.”
“You don’t make love to me like I want you to (...and you should just know how).”

And your partner fires back:

“You’re not adventurous enough.”
“You don’t do the things that turn me on.”
“You’re not into it enough.”

You both walk away feeling attacked and rejected - not sexy. Feeling criticized in one of the most vulnerable areas of our relationship has an impact that resonates far outside the bedroom.

The issue may feel like a deal breaker.

You are just not compatible in bed.

Actually, it may be much simpler than that.

The real issue faced by most couples that struggle with this type of sexual frustration is a lack of emotionally safe and positive communication about their sexual needs, wants, and desires.

This week we are sharing how to talk to your partner about what you need in bed in a way that feels more like foreplay (and less like getting punched below the belt). We’re discussing:

• What do you need, want, and desire in bed?
• What makes it hard to communicate what you need in bed to your partner
• The impact of communicating how to do it the right way in the wrong way
• The right way to ask for what you want, need, and desire

In this week’s bonus - The Quick and Dirty Guide to Talking About What You Need In Bed - we’ve put together a list of questions for you to ask yourself and then discuss with your partner to help you bridge the gap between your sexual fantasy and reality.

If you started this conversation and it didn’t go as planned or you keep hitting the same roadblock, think about working with us. We help couples create a pleasure-filled love life that is grounded in safety, security, attunement, and open communication. Send us a text at (914) 440-4814 or email us at info@simplygreatrelationships.com.

Listen:

Watch:

Show Notes:

SGR 001 - Communication that (Actually) Works
SGR 003 - Creating More Pleasure in your Relationship
SGR 004 - How to Get Divorced: What Not To Do In Your Relationship
SGR 017 - Talking About The Scary Stuff: Being Vulnerable (Halloween)
SGR 028 - How to Share Gratitude + More Positivity in Your Relationship

Short on time? Here’s a list of today’s topics and when to listen:

How to connect to your sexual self and embrace intimacy - 2:34
What makes it hard to communicate what you need in bed to your partner - 14:35
The impact of communicating how to do it the right way in the wrong way - 18:31
The right way to ask for what you want, need, and desire  - 23:12
Meredith and Marina’s takeaways - 33:41