Are Kegels as close as you’ve gotten to being informed about pelvic floor health?
If so, this week’s episode is for you.
Some signs that you may be having pelvic floor issues include:
Incontinence
Lower back pain
Discomfort with sex
A weak core
SGR 102: Mindful Relationships with Sarah Harmon
Ever wonder what “mindfulness” really is?
This week we’re speaking with mindfulness expert, Sarah Harmon, about mothering oneself mindfully. If you find yourself deep in negative self-talk and critique, losing your patience when things don’t go as planned, or spending too much time overthinking - this episode is for you.
To learn more, be sure to check it out. We’re covering what mindfulness really is, the importance of the relationship we have with ourselves, and how to be more mindful in our partnerships. Sarah is offering a free 10 minute meditation for you to get started! Her next round of The School of MOM starts October 12, 2020, so be sure to register for a reminder on her website if you’re interested.
Read moreSGR 101: Overcoming Shame and Using Porn as a Tool to Enhance Sex
In this week’s episode, we’re talking to Jasmine Johnson, a sex educator, entertainer, and therapist. Through her own journey of self-exploration, Jasmine became aware of how people tend to lose their identity when they become parents or professionals. She started Jet Setting Jasmine to help people come together for the fun of sex, learning what they like, and overcoming sexual shame.
Jasmine found that shame gets in the way of sexual pleasure and wanted to help people enjoy their fetishes and expand their sexual repertoire. In order to do this, you need to:
Be more intentional about being on a journey to improve and enrich your sex life
Develop a sexual persona and figure out what your impasses are
Go on a journey of self-discovery to learn what you enjoy
SGR 100: Communication that Works 2.0
It’s our 100th episode!
We hope you’ve been enjoying the interviews we’ve been doing with experts in the field. For today, we thought it would be best to come back together and a Marina and Meredith episode. We wanted to celebrate this milestone by giving you a revamped all things communication episode. If you haven’t already listened to Episode 001 - Communication that Actually Works, please do so first.
Read moreSGR 099: How Our Inner Child Shows Up In Relationships with Saadia Z. Yunus, LMFT
You know those conflicts where you go from 0 to 100 in no time?
Or you say something benign and your partner reacts with rage?
It’s likely your inner child is making an appearance. I’ll be honest - when I’ve heard about the “inner child” in the past, I’ve rolled my eyes. But, after recording this episode, I have an entirely new understanding of this concept. And let me tell you, it’s playing out in all of our relationships.
Read moreSGR 098: 5 Questions You Wish Your Couples Therapist Would Answer
Over the years, we’ve been asked a lot of questions by the couples we work with. Some are not always appropriate to answer in the therapeutic context. So, we’re answering them here today.
The 5 questions you wish your couples therapist would answer are:
Should we get divorced?
Are we a good match?
Do couples recover from... infidelity, emotional disconnection, dry spells, a sexless marriage, opening a relationship?
My partner’s wrong, right?
Do you really care about your clients?
SGR 097: 3 Marriage Tips from a Couples Therapist and her Husband with Stranz and Mallory Wolfgramm
What’s more fun than getting a behind-the-scenes look at a couples therapist’s marriage?
We’ve had the unique experience of dating our husbands throughout graduate school, while we were learning the do’s and don’ts of healthy relationships. We pulled them along for the ride, shared what we were learning, and practiced exercises with them. I’d say it served us tremendously. Today’s guests have had a similar experience!
In this week’s episode, we spoke with Stranz and Mallory Wolfgramm, couples therapist, about their top three tips for making marriage work.
Read moreSGR 096: Sharing the Mental Load with Dr. Morgan Cutlip
Women often talk about the “mental load.”
I, personally, have had this conversation with my husband countless times. It goes something like this:
Me: “If I didn’t think of everything that has to get done, it wouldn’t get done. Why do I have to do everything?”
Him: “You don’t have to do everything, just tell me what you need me to do and I’ll do it.”
Me: “But, that’s the point. If I have to tell you what to do, I still have to think about it.”
Can you relate?
These conflicts typically get triggered before a holiday, family event, or other scenario where the day-to-day responsibilities are intensified. We start to feel overwhelmed, unappreciated, and unsupported. Watching our partner check emails, take their time getting ready, or grab a seat on the couch, while we’re rushing around wrapping gifts, preparing food, and blow drying our hair can be pretty frustrating.
Luckily, this week we’re talking to Dr. Morgan Cutlip about sharing the mental load. We discussed what the mental load really is, how to open up a conversation with your partner about it, and the specific process to work through as a couple to share the responsibilities more fairly. If this is something you’ve struggled with in your relationship, be sure to listen in.
Read moreSGR 095: Integrating Sexual Fantasies into Your Relationship with Dr. Justin Lehmiller
Everyone has sexual fantasies.
People generally feel shame about their fantasies and think they’re “weird” or uncommon. Research shows that having and exploring sexual fantasies and talking about them in the context of your relationship leads couples to have the most satisfying sex lives.
Here are a few tips to set yourselves up for success:
Do your own work around shame by educating yourself and normalizing your fantasies.
Communicate with your partner and go through the learning curve together.
Integrate fantasy in small ways, instead of jumping into the deep end of the pool right away.
SGR 094: Making Marriage Work from the Beginning with Kayla Levin
The first year of marriage is the hardest, right?
When couples go from dating to living together, they’re suddenly faced with “having to” make it work. Time apart is no longer built into your weekly routine, you don’t go home to cool off after an argument, and you see and speak to each other every day. There are many more opportunities to see your partner in their best (and worst) moments. This allows you to grow to the next level of friendship, emotional intimacy, and physical intimacy.
Instead, you may feel disconnection. You may panic about things that feel harder now than they did before - communication, conflict resolution, and getting along. You may wonder if you made the right decision moving in together or getting married. You may take the perspective that your partner must have changed, they’re getting “too comfortable,” or this is why people refer to marriage as the “ball and chain.”
Read moreSGR 093: 3 Common Relationship Problems (That Aren’t Actually Problems)
Well, 60 episodes ago we talked about 6 common relationship problems that aren’t actually problems. It happened to be the most popular episode so far. Today, we thought we’d revive that with three more myths.
We love myth-busting because our perspectives inform what we think, how we feel, and what we do in life. If we view a particular interaction with our partner as a “problem,” we’re more likely to think negatively about them and the relationship, feel frustrated or upset, and act accordingly. We’ve realized that many couples view things as problems that are not actually problems - causing unnecessary stress and conflict. So, we wanted to take the opportunity to shed some light on these.
If you and your partner experience any of the following, this episode is for you:
Not always liking each other
Being attracted to other people
Periods of feeling disconnected
If you’re ready to get your myths busted and see your relationship in a more positive light, be sure to check it out.
Read moreSGR 092: How to Know if You’re Codependent with Marlena Tillhon, MSc
Consider the following:
“I am more focused on changing my partner, than I am on changing myself.”
“If my partner is unhappy, I am incredibly uncomfortable and feel I need to fix or change their emotional state.
“I need to sacrifice my own happiness and/or well-being in order to ensure my partner is happy.”
If these statements rang true for you, you may have a tendency towards codependency.
Codependency is a dynamic in relationships that lends itself to dissatisfaction, resentment, and having unmet needs. Once identified, you have an opportunity to shift it. You can work to:
Become aware of what triggers codependent behavior for you
Explore the ways codependence has tried to keep you “safe”
Identify alternative behaviors, when these triggers arise, that are healthier and will serve you best
SGR 091: The Truth Behind “You’re Just Like Your Mother”
We’ve all heard it.
Mid-argument with our partner:
“You’re just like your mother!”
But, what does that really mean? Why is it so common?
We learn how to be in relationships by observing our parents and the adults in our life growing up. We experience love in the ways our parents or caregivers showed us love. The way the important adults in our life expressed their emotions - happiness, frustration, anger - towards us, are the ways we expect our adult partners to do so.
Read moreSGR 090: What Your Attachment Style Means with Katie Miles, LMFT
Do you know what your attachment style is?
Each of us develops an attachment style early in life - it’s solidified by about age 3 - that we take with us into future relationships. While we can’t change our style, we can use it to provide context for our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in relationships. The more we know, the more we can adapt to healthier ways of being with our partner.
There are four common styles:
Secure attachment
Anxious attachment
Avoidant attachment
Anxious-avoidant attachment
Interestingly, many anxiously attached individuals partner with avoidantly attached individuals. This dynamic sets the stage for a pursuer-distancer dance (think: one person is highly focused on and sensitive to their partner’s feelings towards them, while the other is highly focused on creating space and not getting too attached) that lends itself to chronic conflict and emotional flooding.
Read moreSGR 089: What To Do When You Have a Lot of Time Together and No Shared Hobbies
If you and your partner have been “staying at home” together these past few months, you may have come to a realization:
We have no shared hobbies.
So many couples are facing this, as the usual hustle-and-bustle has been paused. Gyms, restaurants, and movie theaters have been closed. Spas and salons have been closed. Spending time with friends has been put on hold.
You may have been looking at your partner trying to figure out what in the world you’re going to do together. This can be challenging for a number of reasons.
Read moreIn Lieu of This Week’s Episode
Out of respect for the untimely death of George Floyd and many others who have been victims of institutional racism, as well as those suffering from racially-motivated aggression and injustice, we will not be publishing a new episode this week.
We know the atmosphere is heavy and emotions are running high. This is not the time to turn away from the feelings you are experiencing. We encourage our non-Black listeners to use this time to reflect, learn, and support Black people in your community, as we are.
We want to use this platform to amplify the voices of Black leaders and give you resources to deepen your understanding and provide clear actions you can take to help elevate Black people and People of Color in your community. Please see below for Instagram accounts, books, and podcasts to start with.
Read moreSGR 088: Why Asking Your Partner How They’re Doing is Extra Important Right Now
When was the last time you asked your partner how they were doing? I mean really took the time, distraction-free, to sit, look them in the eye, and asked.
My guess is - probably not recently enough.
This conversation should be happening daily. Every day, you and your partner should be sitting down for 15 to 20 minutes to check in with one another.
How are you feeling?
What’s your biggest stressor right now?
Is there anything I can do to help you with that?
This simple practice has a number of benefits, like:
Increased emotional intimacy
Feeling supported by your partner
Knowing what’s really going on in your partner’s inner world
Giving benefit of the doubt easily because you have a more accurate context for your partner’s words and actions
Reduced stress
Deposits in the emotional bank account
Showing up for this daily check-in is important all the time, but now, especially, with the increased stress and anxiety many of us are experiencing it’s even more crucial.
In this week’s episode, we’re talking about the importance of doing a daily check-in with your partner, exactly how to approach it, and strategies for troubleshooting the common challenges. If you haven’t been doing this practice and you’d like to learn more, be sure to check it out.
Read moreSGR 087: Navigating Differing Views on COVID-19 Guidance in Your Family
Typically, when our opinions differ from those of a friend or family member, we can choose to avoid talking about that topic or come to compromise. Things like politics or what to order for dinner are fairly simple to manage with loved ones.
But, what about COVID-19 precautions?
You don’t need to talk about them, but you do need to embody the ones that are important to you. As you, your family, and friends enact new practices, you’ll quickly discover the areas of disagreement.
What happens when you’re together, but abiding by differing practices?
It’s time for a refresh on boundaries.
There are a few ways to navigate situations where you’ll be with friends or family members who practice different precautions in the coming months.
Read moreSGR 086: How to Make Changes Without Motivation
Most of us have developed some less-than-ideal coping skills recently.
Staying up too late.
Eating junk food.
Having too many coffees or cocktails.
Watching Netflix for hours on end.
Foregoing your usual workouts.
These are stressful times and we’ve got to get through it somehow. This is probably not the right time to start a Whole 30 or overhaul all your “unhealthy” habits. You’d likely be setting yourself up for failure.
How about one small shift?
What if you add or pair one small, good-for-you action with the others?
Read moreSGR 085: How You and Your Partner Can Take a Break from the Heaviness of COVID-19
Since we’ve been “staying at home,” we’ve heard from tons of couples that they’re struggling with opposite sex drives.
These are couples who don’t usually experience this - their desire levels are typically aligned.
But, people react differently to stress.
They react differently to ongoing stress.
For some, the stress response hits the breaks on desire more than their desire is accelerated, leading to a reduced sex drive. For others, their desire is accelerated more than the stress response hits the breaks. If these two people are in a relationship together, they may be experiencing opposite sex drives right now.
Read more
Are Kegels as close as you’ve gotten to being informed about pelvic floor health?
If so, this week’s episode is for you.
Some signs that you may be having pelvic floor issues include:
Incontinence
Lower back pain
Discomfort with sex
A weak core