You know the deal. Something happens that is frustrating or hurtful, so you approach your partner to let them know. You tell them what happened and a better way to do it in the future, so you don’t end up feeling hurt. But, all you hear is:
“I didn’t do that! And, anyway, you do that all the time.”
“What about last week when I ask you not to _______?”
“I only did it that way because you _______!”
Sound familiar?
When this dynamic is sustained over a long period of time, it can lead to something called “pre-emptive defensiveness.” That sounds a little something like this:
“Hey, what’s for dinner tonight?”
“Oh, so I’m just supposed to cook for you every night and I bet you expect the food to be on the table when you walk in the door?!”
Whoa.
Ever been blown away for asking what you thought was a neutral question? If so, you’ve got a case of pre-emptive defensiveness.
If you’re struggling with defensiveness in your relationship, you’re going to want to download this week’s FREE bonus - our Is Your Partner Always Defensive? video training.
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